Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

10 weeks after surgery today..."Don't sweat the small stuff "

Home bound and still feeling super content, learning more about myself, watching the fire, sipping tea, writing, reading, sewing, beading, or simply just being.

I'm not able to put any weight on it yet, but I have slowly noticed change. I can eat at the island again, I can move my foot more, I have very little nerve pain, I can be up on my scooter for longer periods of time without discomfort, but the biggest one for me is, I can get myself safely in and out of the shower. This is definitely a  process, I love how through circumstance, it deepens my appreciation of the simple things. Now when I shower, getting myself into a chair, I am beyond grateful for the hot water, I turn on the tap slowly with a mop handle, sitting in the cold water, waiting for it to turn warm. I have always heard this is good for me, but never wanted to do it, maybe I will keep doing it, even when I don't have to anymore. It's funny how that happens, it's often through going without, or loosing something or someone, being forced to see or do things differently, that I appreciate everything so much more, then the little things become so big. It's kinda like having no power for a period of time, there are so many gifts in it, I always love the quiet, cooking in new ways, playing games, little screen time, more connection, but I always miss how convenient having power and water is and all of the modern amenities it brings, but I soon loose sight of it, until the next time it goes out and I do the same cycle all over again, almost as if I had never been there before. There has been so many revelations in the last couple months, so many places I have been shown where I can loosen my grip, take a deep breath and do things differently. I have learned that mopping my floors or making my bed isn't nearly as important as I thought it was, I learned that people come to visit me and really don't care how clean my house is, although I prefer it clean, it's ok when things aren't exactly how I like them to be. I also learned how I don't have to make huge meals every day and make absolutely everything from scratch, that other people can do my grocery shopping, that it really doesn't matter if they buy the wrong thing or the produce doesn't look like the one I would of picked out, I have noticed when I feel overwhelmed and what has brought me there, the saying, "don't sweat the small stuff” has really hit home. This time I'm soaking it all up, I am paying attention to these simple slow ways, having deep gratitude for everyday things, allowing my body to rest and be in ease, I don't want to forget, or need to be taken to the places I have gone before to remember, this time I want to carry it with me.

My Blanket

All of my experiences are a  continual weaving of the most beautiful tapestry. So many different threads, colours, textures and patterns woven together. While some corners of my blanket are tattered and torn, other parts are vibrant, they shimmer with light. Some experiences have been heart breaking, others are the happiest moments of my life, some fade with time, while others stick like glue. All of them have sent me on an amazing emotional journey of self discovery. They are all turning out to be equally as beautiful, no matter what they felt like at the time. Everyone of them has become an integral part of me, the very fabric of my being. They are not seperate from me, they continue to mold and shape me, all of them make me who I am in this very moment, they happen for me. I am like a piece of clay on a potters wheel, continually becoming new, with a different glaze, I am thrown often. As I learn and grow looking back upon my experiences through a kaleidoscope of colours, twisting and turning to see all the patterns, I perceive them differently through time. What once crippled me often becomes my greatest ally, my deepest teaching, I can always find and feel the beauty amongst the muck. I couldn't always though, sometimes I got lost in it, I thought it was seperate from me, I became it and it swallowed me. I have learned to slowly be with it, feel it, over time it becomes different, it changes form. I believe we have come here to have a plethora of experiences, kinda like a smorgasbord, some things are delicious and others not so good. We can pick and choose some of them, but the ones the universe serves us, the ones that knock us off our feet, they crack us open. I am ever so gentle with these delicate layers of me as they rise and rise again, as these waves of transformation come to the surface to be met. I wrap myself in my blanket, feeling deeply held, connected and supported as I enter the waters of my tears. Through stillness I gain insight, until the next time I ride a wave again.

You are the one you have been looking for

April 24th Circle

This is an incredible journey of self worth, self care and self love. We have been taught to look outside of ourselves for worthiness, acceptance, validation and what success supposedly looks like. We truly can only feel those things in any lasting capacity from within us. We may temporarily feel satisfied by outside circumstances, consumerism, food, relationships, substances, but to truly be fulfilled, to know it well, can only come from within us. Inside each and everyone one of us we hold everything we could possibly ever long for.

Crumpled up in my tiny cardboard box l feel safe in my existence.

Am l existing? l know no difference.

The walls are beginning to fall, uh oh, you might see me, l think l will stay hidden a little longer.

Stretching out is feeling good, unfamiliar, is that my own movement for the very first time.

Feeling my heart, l have had it buried under all l thought l was, what l was told l should be and blanketed in my fears.

I think l can stand and maybe even stretch, I'm coming out of my box, l no longer fit in.

What is this freedom l was never shown or encouraged to become.

Free to be me, no longer defined by anything outside of me, standing naked, unencumbered, dancing in the wind.

We receive the love we think we deserve, previous experiences shape and mould us, we believe what we have been told and we take in what we see, we pass along so much ancestrally. As we become more aware and move deeper into self care we can make changes, really creating the life we desire. The more we love ourselves we surround our being with people, places and things that nourish our mind, body and soul, we become the love we want to see.

Unwrap me carefully l am yours to bare, such sweet, sweet songs l am longing to share.

Your very own note, from the choirs above, gently carried down on the wings of a dove.

A childlike innocence we are asked to explore, l will leave you breathless longing for more.

I am still, yet beating, tender yet bold, a delicate balance for you to withhold.

My arms are wide open, inviting you in, l will guide you and lead you to where you have been.

We will forever continue to grow, l will never ever leave you, for we are always in flow.

I see in others what l feel within myself. My vision and perception of the world is deeply influenced by my state of mind. When l am grateful and at peace my heart is full, it is overflowing, my views and thoughts of the world and others become softer. If l am no longer in that space it is a call to look inside me, what has triggered me? Where do l have room to grow? What can l release? What is the gift in this? Absolutely everything is a invitation of love.

I often wonder how you hold that much light inside, how you so wonderfully wear that disguise.

I see you bursting through your seams, your divinity exploding and creating light beams.

I feel your vibration and it rocks me to my core, we are dancing in resonance and so much more.

I see your eternal light and it brings me to my knees, l am so deeply grateful for the freedom you have gifted me.

Mindfulness

Women's circle Sun.Feb.27th

Mindfulness

We all see things so differently based on our previous experiences. There are so many variables contributing to our choices it makes it difficult to understand where everyone is coming from. We actually can't even possibly know. When l get stuck in my way of thinking or if l believe it is the right way or the only way l have shifted the energy in which l come from. When l listen to others and try to understand things differently l can openly communicate without judgement and attachment. As l become more aware of the words l choose and what energy l am emanating, it changes how l am received.

Everything is energy, what we tune into we see, where our every thought goes is exactly what will be.

Mindfulness is beautiful, taking me to another place, allowing me some movement, seeing in different ways.

I can sometimes still get stuck, falling into its trap, playing the same narrative over again, without any lapse.

Sometimes it gets narrow, lm seeing just one way, l am then reminded quickly, there's others in this play.

I get to move my mind, aware of where its been, l can also change its focus and really dial it in.

I'm taking notes of how it feels, what brings it peace or starts the reels. What takes me into a mind field or eases me softly and brings forth yield.

What a powerful gift each of us hold, the opportunity to become masterminds and watch our world unfold.

If we can keep in mind that most of us are wanting a similar outcome, that we are just approaching it differently, we soften. There is a whole spectrum of being from one extreme to the other and everything inbetween, it isn't just this way or that way, the possibilities are always endless, how each of us is responding is unique. We need to be kind to ourselves and others, always remembering we are the first recipient of what we feel and express. We are responsible for our being and what we are contributing to the world. 

Crack me open, turn me upside down and inside out, shake out of me any preconceived ideas, concepts and limiting beliefs. 

Cut all that binds me so l may freely walk along the edge and exist in the all like a new born forever in the flow.

Peace is an inside job, it is our feeling of being home...a deep breath. Feeling that space often through mindfulness deepens our point of stillness, our centre, it allows us to shift our perspective. As we choose to access different frequencies more and more, a sustainable frequency unfolds within us. When we are strong in our centre it is not as easy to get thrown off kilter by outside circumstances. When we do, we are able to navigate this perceived discomfort differently and move back to our strongest resonance in a gentle way. We embrace our natural ebb and flow, seeing the beauty in all of our experiences. What is available to us never changes, the infinite flow of connection and creation is always there whether we are allowing it or not. 

May your eternal light shine so bright that you always know you are home.

May peace resides so deep inside that you are comforted and don't feel alone.

May you feel loves warmth, tenderness too, it's soft embrace wrapped around you.

May you always have everything you need, may you feel supported, held and blessed with ease.

Dancing in our authenticity

Since l was little l have so desperately wanted others to truly understand me, just recently l have understood that only l need to understand me. That l need to be so comfortable in my own skin that how others receive or perceive me doesn't need to effect me. To love all aspects of myself so deeply that l am no longer looking outside of myself for approval, understanding or reassurance, knowing that l fit perfectly into being me.

Taking back her infinite power, she has found her own truth and honours it. She has the courage to speak it, she has found her voice, her mind and heart are in harmony. Nothing confines her, her freedom is breath taking. Her steps shake the earth as she walks in her integrity, she moves with the rhythms and cycles of nature, honouring and feeling the connectivity of all. Her deep devotion and action are a testament to whom she is and how she lives. She is fierce with love, she dances through the darkness, she is the peaceful warrior.

Although it can feel difficult at times to follow our own intuition, instinct and intellect especially if we are moving against the grain it is so important to find and honour who we truly are. When we begin living our life for ourself we can let go of others expectations. We no longer need to measure up to anything or anyone else. No longer comparing, judging, blaming or shaming ourselves, wishing we were different then we are. We can put down others beliefs, mindsets and ideas of what they think our life should look like. We each carry our own wisdom, our own moral compass, our own voice, our own truths, our own gifts and our own unique beautiful way of being.

Be still within your heart, learn to move differently from this part.
No planning or plotting along a well trodden trail, not moving with the crowd with simply no avail. Changing the narrative of what you might hear, creating your own story, not built in fear. No matter what is happening outside of you, find your peace and freedom too. Only in the moment can we be free, the past and the future don't exist, just be.

Moving deeper into a state of beingness changes the quality of our existence, feeling full from the inside out, remembering we are a part of, not separate from or superior to any other human being and to nature. Being mindful of resources, remembering there is a way to live with her, with each other in community and connectivity in open hearted space, each and everyone thriving as a whole.

Loads of love, Sarah

Forget Me Not

Sharings from monthly circles…

We are natural nurturers,we take care of others, we feel and love so deeply, how incredibly beautiful.

We absolutely have to take care of our own needs first, this isn't selfish or self centred, it allows us to share from an overflowing cup so we don't become depleted or resentful. When we can identify and look after our own unique needs, all other relationships flourish because we are sharing the best of ourselves, we are coming from a balanced, harmonious space. Only we can meet our own needs, nobody else can do it for us and it's ok to change what that looks like as we go.

Let us remember, we must feel in order to heal.

Let's dive deep inside to those places we normally like to hide.

Let's support one another in our journey of discover.

Let's heal as a whole our never ending soul.

Let's heal as one and dance into the sun.

Clear communication and setting boundaries is key to being free and looking after ourselves. Saying and doing what works for us, making sure we are part of the equation. Remember, it's not what we say but how we say it, that opens or closes the door to communication. I often need to remind myself that it is thoughtful open dialogue with no attachment and heart felt listening that allows me to see differently.

Our lives are such beautiful balancing acts that always let us know where we can lean in and love ourselves more deeply. We can tune in and see what part of us is calling, gifting us the opportunity to do things differently, to move deeper into our flow, into our natural space of well being.

Wanting or expecting things in any other way, holding attachment brings some delay.

Exploring deeper, recognizing more, if l hold on too tightly l have more at my door.

Suffering appears when l can't let go, acceptance brings fluidity, movement and l grow.

Freedom is found when l enter the now, the past and future disappear somehow.

Back in alignment l can just be, this is the space always calling to me.

Back and forth the movement comes and goes, release and expansion in its own flow.

This dance becomes different the longer lm here, the space in between becomes so much clearer.

Returning so often it becomes my new now, the flow becomes gentler and softer somehow.

The more mindful we become, we can create new ways of being, no longer responding from an automatic response, unconscious programming, or ancestral patterning. A beautiful gauge is asking yourself, if you have given your power away? Are you allowing anyone or anything to be responsible for your health, wealth, beliefs and well being? Tune back in, call your power back, and always let yourself off the hook for whatever has happened, whatever you have done, said or however you were perceiving the situation to be, forgiveness is such a powerful tool.

The ancient Hawaiian Ho'oponopono prayer is an incredible gift to all of us for taking total responsibility of our lives. It is, "l'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, l love you." Forgiving allows us to let go of old stories, old stuck energy, releasing what binds us and setting us free, it is not saying the others actions towards us were ok, but that we will no longer allow our energy to be drained and attached to those situations. We get to choose what frequency we are emanating out into the world, what note we are playing, what song we are singing. Always remember you are the first recipient to what you are feeling, be kind and gentle with yourself.

Piece by piece we reappear, one more aspect is now clear.

Heart wide open, love pours forth, letting go of old self worth.

Journey with me deep inside, open up far and wide.

Continually shedding our old skin, letting go of what we have been.

Remembering now, to our core that we are the light we are searching for.